In the future we'll all be gay
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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