Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you made out with another girl for some wings
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
