smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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