Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
