when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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