Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
