with your own penis?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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