I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
