I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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