awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
