so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
