SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Houston, we have a squirter
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
