Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
