i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
