The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
