Already got asked if we're dating
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did you just see the Batmobile???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
