you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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