Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
