How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No subtext here. People are naked.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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