you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Redeem this text for a blowjob
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
