Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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