Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
