quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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