well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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