Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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