Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
