I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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