Nicole vs. Life
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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