So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
