i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
