I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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