So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
