So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
