Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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