guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
