her vagine was all disorganized.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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