How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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