We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
