You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
