i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
