one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
