dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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