you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
