What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
