woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
