I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
