Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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