i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
