I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
