I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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