As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
