hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
