im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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